i need something sweet to munch, any cookies or dessert will do

ohh pleaseee.

how about this? :D

and and this?

and this??

this?

huh this?

ahh dream on. mana nak cari la ni -.-

Misery.

I woke up, and i feel inspired. yes i am.

but don't ask me how long it'll last.

and i don't know why, perhaps i had a good sleep?

i said to myself, do something that wouldn't make my life seems prosaic like it does now, just anything,

so that i wouldn't wonder what are the wrong, silly things i did.

yeah i was thinking what i want in life, minus the happiness that i want in my life now and the hereafter.

i asked myself, are they things that i genuinely want to achieve? i mean i seriously need a lot of hard work to get done, b'cos i know i'm not what you call typical genius like some of my friends are, but hey, we have different goals, different desires, different dreams aren't we? so let's just not put critics on others b'cos what you believe may not what i believe, what seems right to you may not seems right to me.

question mark, will i be happy as ever, look better to others if i have what i desire.

then i had this thought in mind, i need to rethink, reconstruct my mind, reorganize everything, whether the i-want-and-need-this wishes are worthy targets or not, that is something i truly want, rather than something i'm being told by others i should want. 

it's a big day tomorrow man, the first paper starts less than 24 hrs from now.

INTENSITY, yeah thats the word.

p/s: Allah, help me please, your love, blessings and guidance are so much needed :(

Yeah.

we were studying and flipping through our notes, and she said, 'lets get a little bit crazy?'

 ohh she insisted me to put on that red lipstick. blame her.

HAHA

here's what we did.

and it was funnn though!

i'm gonna miss them :(

You.

She says; Do not put too much trusts and hopes on anyone but yourself, unless you're prepared to be hurt.

and she keeps saying that whenever I meet her.

well I did. I hurt myself so bad.

I put too much trusts and hopes on you, because I believed everything that you said, that nothing could come between, that nothing could go wrong.

I thought wrong i guess.

In some simple ways, you win and i lose.

but keeping this faith strong within me, in some ways, I win.

I stand strong now because the situation needed me to be strong.

and I wonder are you strong enough if you were in my shoes?

well you'll never feel like one if you never fail life.

I know that every words I say are just adding up your hatred towards me, but I just hope, 

I just hope they won't. 

Take this as something that you should know when other people's life went upside down and yours not.

Take this as something that you should know when you were enjoying life so much and others weren't.

Take this as something that you should know, where I used to say I can't survive, but now I can.

Let's see what life's got to offer me, tomorrow and the day after.

Tak sihat :(

bukan demam, bukan asthma. kalau asthma senang la, pakai je inhaler tu.

tp ni bukan, i know. sakit dada sgt, boleh bernafas dalam 30% je.
bayangkan la tidur mlm mcm mana.

mama kata jom la pegi jumpa doctor, tp dila kata tak payah la, makan je ubat yg ada kat rumah.

sebenarnya mkn ubat tak jadi apa pun, ok la sekejap, nnt sakit dada tu dtg balik.

entahla, rasa mcm membazir pulak pegi clinic. hbs la dekat rm50. berbaloi la kalau mkn ubat tu sakit ni kurang, kalau tak, kena pegi clinic lg.

conclusionnya, tak nak susahkan mama.

insyaAllah, kurang la sakit ni nnt, sekarang ni lebih kpd rawatan secara rohani, 

minum air zam2, baca doa sendiri. baca la apa2 zikir. 

p/s: cuma nak cerita, bukan nak minta simpati ke apa ke :)

Monday.

Monday? Dislike. Full stop. 

because we finished our class at 4pm, and the last subject was maths -.-

duhh i practically fell asleep when mrs lim was teaching infront, yes microsleep few times.

and i stayed back till 6.30pm, rushed back, refreshed myself and i went for usrah.

it was fun, fun that i learnt new things and the ustaz was fun too.

 he made some jokes that kept my eyes and ears open.

and the thing that caught my attention was about forgiveness, either you seek for forgiveness or forgive other people. lets just ask ourself did we ever hurt other people's feelings, i'm sure we did because we're human and we all make mistakes. and from that mistakes, we learn how to fix things, fix whatever that was wrong. i did, i did a lot of mistakes in my life, major mistakes that could even destroy my future. but at one point in my life, i came to realize that those steps i took was not the right path for me, for my life, for my future. yes i took a while to believe that every single thing happens for some reasons that only Allah knows. some told me, its okay that you experienced all of this, you're lucky that it all happened now, somehow you just have to believe that you're lucky, this might be your downturn, but hey, you'll have your boom someday somewhere, and believe that what goes around comes around.

yes, i want to believe that what goes around comes around. 

and from now on, i will. 

Allah knows best.

IDK.

I don't know why, but these past few days you always appear in my dreams. and when i woke up, i sort of smiled. sweet dreams maybe?

I just don't know why.

When i re-check my phone,

I even put your full name in my contact list instead of your nickname.

Hmm.

mainan tido je kan. 

Today's syndrome.

ohh goshh i've been falling asleep like zillions times, and i don't feel any fresher, double eye bags. with lots of books in front of me. i need some refreshment, anything that could keep my eyes open. 

a strong coffee perhaps?

okay i have another 15 days left.  anyway, i don't feel like this is all such a torment, because i have motivations to keep a straight mind, i just need to focus focus and focus. i just can't wait to have the feeling of ecstatic when all of this is over and done.

Dang it, i gotta keep reminding myself.

Pies pies pies

I like it when he says naaiissss, instead of nice. and makes weird faces hoho. i know, lame. 

anyway, i just had a burger for my supper. ohh wait. this is not going to let me gain weight will it? aahh lantaklah tgh lapar bantai je lah haha. had a great time today making apple pie, i mean I MADE IT, no joke okayy :p it tastes good, better than how it looks like, cinnamon and nutmeg are just a perfect combination.

I have high tendency to cook or bake especially when boredom strikes. Mind that.

Classic homemade apple pie :)

anddd we had lemonade while eating this delicious pie.
apple pie and lemonade. PERFECTION.

tomorrow's plan: black pepper chicken mushroom pie.

My thoughts.

been busy these past few days, can't even help myself to finish all the past year papers, i mean all subjects, 

ALL -.-

how i wish i could do so, then i would be contented that i could walk into the exam hall with full confident. but anyhow, with the time left about 17 days, i'll try the best that i could because i believe whatever may come, i could turn around and say 'i have done my very best', at least. 

and these past few days, so many things came into my mind that i could just lay on the bed and think bout them all. and how i wish i could grab a piece of paper and start writing just how i feel. or maybe go somewhere that no one can find me, up on the hill perhaps, look into the sky and talk to the one that always listen to me. The one that truly understands what i'm going through and what i'm feeling inside. The one that never stops to hear my prayers. 

Ya Allah, aku hambamu yg hina tak pernah putus memohon doa padamu, walaupun hari2 yg aku lalui tak menunjukkan tanda2 doaku dimakbulkan. mungkin dosaku terlalu byk untuk doaku dimakbulkan. tp aku tak akan pernah putus harapan dan akan terus berdoa hingga akhir hayatku. Ya Allah, ujian yg kau beri padaku jika nak dibandingkan dengan org lain mungkin tak lah seberat mana, mungkin aku yg lemah, terlalu lemah untuk terima ujianmu. tp sekarang, aku mampu untuk berdiri, kalau aku tak di uji sebegini mungkin aku tak tahu mampukah aku untuk terima ujian yg lebih besar. aku redha Ya Allah, semuanya di tanganmu, satu hikmah yg paling besar yg kau tunjukkan padaku; aku lebih dekat denganmu, setiap detik dan setiap degupan jantungku kini sentiasa menyebut namamu. alhamdulillah hatiku mejadi lebih tenang, dan hatiku lebih tenang bila aku mengangkat pandanganku ke langit yg terbentang luas, subhanallah, kau ada di mana2 bersamaku. 

terus terang, tak pernah terfikir aku akan lalui semua ni, dan tak pernah terfikir aku sekuat ini untuk bangun, mungkin tak seteguh yg org lain sangkakan, tp mampu untuk jalani hidup yg penuh dengan dugaan, mampu untuk terus menadah tangan memohon kekuatan iman. aku mungkin bukan seorang perempuan yg solehah seperti mana org luar boleh menilai, tp aku tahu Allah menyayangiku dan sebab itu aku di uji, supaya aku lebih dekat dengannya, lebih tahu menilai mana yg baik dan mana yg buruk.

Ya Allah, take us in the best way, guide us every single day, keep me close to you, until the end of time.

p/s: I may not exist in your memory anymore, but just to let you know, I've never stopped praying for you, for your success, just like how I've promised, just like how we've promised, and I keep my promises.

Strength.

You'll never know how strong you are to stand up

 how strong you are to seize your days

how strong you are to fake a smile

until being strong is the one and only choice you are left with.

p/s: thats what people used to tell me when i broke down.

I love you papa :)

To this one person that I love, I'm no one in this world without you and I can't thank you enough for that. 

I wonder how my life would be if you're no longer here with us :( 

You made us realized that whatever happens, family comes first.

You made us realized that sisters and brothers are our real friend.

You made us realized that when our days seem cloudy and dark, prayers 

to Allah is all that we need.

You made us realized that happiness means nothing if we don't cherish it.

You made us realized that happiness means nothing if we always end up putting others in misery and sorrow.

You made us realized that happiness means nothing if we are not grateful for getting whatever we want in life.

Yes, we might be happy today, but tomorrow and the day after tomorrow? Its all in God's hand.

Don't be cocky that we're sure enough today's happiness will lasts forever. 

It doesn't work that way. Always take caution when it comes to life.

That's what you always tell me.

Anyway, it would be a long list what you've taught us if I were to write them all. 

Papa, you mean the whole world to me ad you're the best papa in the world!

Happy 61th Birthday to Adlan Shukor.

Semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki

Semoga sentiasa di berkati Allah.

Lala loves you so much! 

p/s: sorry, fever mode -.-

lemonade?

bestnya kalau dpt lemonade time panas2 mcm ni, ohh blueberry lemonade would be refreshing!

Nadzirah's

oh hari ni best sgt, sbb dpt jumpa my beloved girlfriends for 3 consecutive weeks, actually today dekno buat mkn2 sikit, and sedap mi kari tuu siap tambah lagi heee. then pegi karaoke lg, awesome possum! one thing i know, they never fail to make me happy, and they made me realized that letting go is surely hard, but holding on is harder. well that's what we call life, it gives you choices and it goes on. So do i.

Till death do us apart.

what a tiring day. I need to doze off -.-

xoxo

you know you love me