Moving on.

Life changes. And that's an undeniable fact that I have to face everyday. I have to accept the fact that the happiness that I'm feeling now wouldn't last forever. But I'm pretty sure though it wouldn't last forever, it will, come back when I least expect it. I miss how I used to be positive about life, just about everything, about myself and the people around me. I know I can't possibly please everyone, but I just hate the fact that I couldn't make the people around me happy with my presence because I know I didn't try hard. 

I've moved on, and I will keep moving on. I know I've hurt the people who love me, who care about me without me realizing it. If only they knew what I'm going through. If and only if. Things are hard on me, I kid you not. Somehow I just feel like forgetting those worldly matters and sleep off the worries and wake up with a bliss feeling like how I want it to be. But I know it's almost impossible. That is why I've stopped asking God for making my life easier, I pray wholeheartedly for a stronger soul instead, because I won't be twenty four seven high on life, I whine and I cry. 

Despite the emotional wreck I've been through, I couldn't be thankful enough for that one blessing He had given me, let only Allah and I know what that is. InsyaAllah, I will treasure and cherish it the best that I could. May this blessing able to put a smile on my face everyday, the moment I wake up and before I go to bed. I may not appear to have a good life as what other people thought I should have, but Allah knows what I've been through, what I'm going through and what I will go through. I may stumble on my way, I may slip and fell, but I hope I'll get through it with stronger feet to stand up on my own and stronger hands to keep praying. Mistakes are inevitable and life is nothing without them, so let it be. 

And InsyaAllah, I will survive.

Ramadhan Kareem.

Assalamualaikum. Pejam celik pejam celik, this year tahun kedua berpuasa di perantauan. Tipu lah kalau cakap tak rindu berpuasa dgn family. I spent 19 years dgn family, tak pernah berenggang. Tapi alhamdulillah, puasa tahun lepas was fine, in fact, rasanya puasa kat sini lebih tenang, tak byk kerenah, makan pun tak la mewah mcm kat malaysia, takde nak beli makanan ikut nafsu, air pun nak 3 4 jug. Hopefully this ramadhan would be better. Rezeki alhamdulillah ada je sebenarnya. Tp puasa kan bukanlah sekadar menahan lapar dan dahaga, it's definitely beyond that. Kalau puasa untuk berbuka dgn makanan yg sedap sedap, haa itu je la yg kita akan dapat. Kalau puasa hanya kerana kita dah diajar dr kecil kena puasa sebulan setiap tahun without faham apa erti ramadhan, tak boleh jugak kan. Bukanlah nak kata aku ni hebat dlm beribadah, Ya Allah jauh sesekali, byk sangat kekurangan, hanya Allah yg tahu betapa aku berdosa terhadap Dia, hati yg kini penuh dgn tompok hitam. Nak berdoa minta itu ini rasa hina dan malu, tp Allah Maha Penyayang, aku masih bernafas sampai saat ini, nikmat yg tak terkira nilainya. Tp aku tak nak putus asa, putus asa dgn rahmat Allah. No. Orang selalu ingatkan aku pintu taubat Allah sentiasa luas terbuka, yes if we make taubah insyaAllah, Allah forgives us, provided we have the will to be a better muslim. I have my own resolution for this ramadhan, and I'm sure you guys have one as well. InsyaAllah, I will try my best to fulfill it. Since ramadhan is a month with full or barakah, why not we double up our good deeds and try the least that we can to not commit sins (note to self)

Ya Allah, untuk meminta segala mcm benda padaMu membuatku rasa kekurangan dan hina, tp dengan siapa lagi aku patut menadah tangan ini kalau bukan padaMu. Sesungguhnya aku tahu Kau maha mendengar, walau bibirku tak terungkap dgn sejuta penyesalan dalam doaku, tp aku tahu Kau maha mengetahui, saat aku bersujud dan mengalirkan air mata, saat aku membaca ayat ayatMu dan mengalirkan air mata, saat aku berzikir dan mengalirkan air mata, saat aku menadah tangan dan hanya mengalirkan air mata tanpa berkata apa apa, ketahuilah hatiku Ya Rabb, aku rindu padaMu, dlm diriku penuh dgn rasa berdosa dan inginkan rahmatMu, mengharapkan pengampunan dariMu. Semoga Kau permudahkan segala urusanku, urusan ibadahku, berikan aku kekuatan utk sentiasa mengingatiMu. Ameen Ya Rabb.

When it comes to your heart.

When your heart is about to heal and someone came crashing it to pieces, in the way that you least expect it. How does that feel like? It doesn't feel like the world is going to an end, you just feel like switching off your heart for as long as you can afford to everything that has love behind it, to something that needs you to be loyal, to something that requires you to be sincere, to something that wants you to put others' interest ahead of your own. Because in the end, you'll be the savior of your own heart and no one else.

Myth?

Is it a myth when your right eye keeps twitching then something good will happen or comes to you and if your left eye keeps twitching then something bad will happen instead? If it's just a myth, then it's okay, tak nak percaya benda tu. My left keeps twitching since last few days and it's very disturbing you know :( and it's so coincidence that something bad came up. I won't blame anyone though I feel very sad about it, because I believe things happen for a reason, well of course there must be a good side of it. The best thing to do, pray. Full stop.



P/s: I thought we wouldn't have any bad memories to share at this point, but I just got one installed in my mind.

Kebahagiaan satu ujian.

Life is full of surprises. Am I right? Hari ni mungkin happy dari pagi sampai malam, esok lusa mungkin sedih menangis bila masalah datang. Kita sendiri pun tak tahu bila saat derita atau bahagia tu akan tiba. But someone up there definitely knows it. So, siapkanlah diri untuk menyambut bahagia, dan siapkan diri juga untuk ditinggalkan bahagia.

Banyak sangat benda yang berlaku lately tanpa diduga, benda yang baik dan buruk, equally the same. Even if it's a good thing, I keep asking myself, is it really happening for me? Bukan tak mahu bersyukur, tapi takut takut benda yg dapat menggembirakan kita ni boleh buat kita jadi leka, leka pada perkara yg lebih layak dapat attention. Whatever it is, kena sentiasa muhasabah diri, though life keeps giving you surprises regardless your current emotions, stay calm, be strong, and ultimately, always always keep Allah in mind (note to self). When everything is done lillahi ta'ala, insyaAllah barakah comes to you in the way you least expect it.

Ya Allah, jika aku terlalu gembira, sedarkanlah aku, takut jika kesedihan mendatang tak dijangka, aku tak berdaya untuk berdiri kembali.

On my knees.

No matter what your tests might strike on me, 

I put all my trust and faith on You,

for You know the best, the very best for me.

'Trials are a wake-up call for the forgetful ones, 

a means of achieving reward for the patient ones,

and a reminder of blessings for everyone.'

- Al Hasan ibn Sahl

P/s: Maafkanlah bila hati tak sempurna mencintaiMu,

       dalam dada kuharap hanya diriMu yang bertahta.

31.12.2011

Salam everyone. So it's the last day of 2011.  I was thinking what's the big deal about it? Who cares anyway? If there are people out there who care about 2011 ends today, probably because today brings back the memories they had or whatever troubles they encountered throughout the year. Some may want time to fly faster and hoping good things would come giving a great kickstart for 2012. Well including me I can say. 2011 has been a great year for me despite the fact that I had so much issues to be dealt with.

Alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for everything that has been given to me, for health and wellness granted, for a family to cherish, for friends to share good and bad moments with, and especially for having faith in Islam and in Him.

Like the saying goes, a year older is a year wiser. I don't know what would be the indicator to measure whether I'm actually being THAT wise but I just hope as time and year passes by, there would be a lot of things that I can achieve. I'm not just talking in academic context, but in personal life as well, the level of maturity, the patience when facing problems and importantly the relationship I have with Allah. I just hope, really hope, turning to 21(oh wait I just turned 20 last 2 weeks :D) would give me more space to re build myself, to change whatever bad attitudes or habits that are constantly need to be fixed. InsyaAllah, may Allah ease our journey towards excellence in dunya and in the hereafter.

I just wanted to list down whatever memories I had throughout the year but I had this second thought that it would take so much of my time, considering that I'm being such a lazy bum lately. To list them out and write on papers? Not a good idea, because I know the moment the pen touches the paper, whatever appears on my mind disappears. Oh that happens ALL the time okay.

Simple, 2011 has taught me when facing problems, it's only you can tell yourself to stay strong no matter how many people tell you to hold on. Because in the end, you're the one that can shape your own future. No matter how hard you cry, tears are gonna dry up anyway. Make a move, stand up and build up your tumbled walls. Put your best efforts on what whatever you're doing ( a note to self as well) accompanied by prayers, definitely. These two tools will perfectly work on you. And finally leave the rest to Him. Even if you work the hard way, this is absolutely the road to success. InsyaAllah. I'm not trying to preach here, but it's just a lesson learnt not some bizarre experience pun. Good things are good to be shared kan? :)

So, all the best mate in facing another year coming. Face it with patience, maturity and confidence. You don't have to wait for a new year to change yourself because our mind, our heart and soul need constant maintenance. Don't misunderstand that I'm trying to act like a saint or whatsoever, it's just another note to self juga :)



P/s: Don't say you're no good at being old. You have to be good as you grow older. You may say good things to others but if your actions are not in accordance with what you said, it's just a failed reflection of yourself.